Recently I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the illusion of being in control. For some reason I’ve had several conversations in the last week about this topic, and that’s set my wheels turning. Being pregnant also seems to be a constant reminder that I am no longer “in control” of my body. Just today I tried to walk up a hill and got so dizzy I had to stop three times, all the while making me more frustrated. Good grief! I should be able to walk up a hill without stopping. But…apparently that wasn’t in the cards, and really what was I accomplishing by getting annoyed. Who suffered? Only me. It didn’t change the reality.
It seems to me that a lot of our struggles and angst in this life are based in the fight for control. We’re fighting others, fighting our flaws, fighting nature and fighting the unknown. We try lots of different methods. Some of us drive ourselves crazy with worry over every single imaginable outcome in the hope that if we prepare ourselves then everything will be OK. Others try to manipulate and argue our way into what we think is “the way.” Some of us withdraw, thinking the less others are in our lives the more control we can retain.
Honestly, it’s a losing battle. None of these methods are fully effective. They exhaust us. They alienate us from others. They leave us feeling angry and let down because we’ve failed to perform the impossible task. It’s no way to live. We can never truly be fully in control. That would require the ability to transcend time and space. To read minds. You would need a flux capacitor for sure, and I bet x-ray vision wouldn’t hurt. Plus, I doubt it would be a very fun existence.
What are we to do then? Stick our heads in the sand and assume someone else is responsible for our lives? That’s no way to live either. I think we’ve got to find a new metaphor. Maybe we need to focus less on dictating every step along the path and more on successfully navigating the journey toward the intended destination. We can spend our lives clawing at road blocks, or we can just accept that we need to find a different way.
This year, I’m want to spend more time focused on living a life rooted in my values in a constantly changing world and less time focused on the perception of how exactly I accomplish that. I’m going to try for less bulldozing and more careful steering.
1 comment:
This is wonderful Nicole. Especially with pregnancy, some days I feel I can conquer the world. Other days keeping my eyes open is a challenge. It's good to roll with the punches and set realistic expectations for the days that are less than brilliant.
Post a Comment